Susie Blue's space..

 

Today I went to an NMC hearing, a place for naughty nurses to have their wrists slapped!!!  Actually I shouldn't make light of it, as its all very serious and not a subject to be joked about!!

I am probably allowed to tell you what the case was that I saw today, as NMC court hearings, like legal court hearings are made public and can in fact be watched by everybody.  However, having just watched someone go through a hearing and the stress that it caused both them and  all the witnesses that were called, I am actually going to err on the side of caution and not tell you!!!

 

But a sort of undercurrant of the whole hearing today was the issue of friendship and the level of trust in a friendship, which I realise makes no sense in a nursing world, but it kind of does, just roll with it!!!

But it did get me thinking about my own friends, and the relationships that I have with various people within my life.  (And yes the friends I have made on spaces came into my mind as well).

 

OK, without going into too much detail, this particular nurse, (at the hearing today), had text another nurse who she considered to be a very good friend and asked her for a favour, but the favour that she was asking for was the thing that was actually wrong and not allowed.  There I think I can make this whole blog make sense now without giving too much away about what today was about. 

But the thing is, as a nurse, you go through some amazingly stressful situations and you see things on a daily basis that some people never see, which to be frank are not nice things to be seeing and dealing with, and so as colleagues you do get close as friends quite quickly, and a s friends you do ask for favours and I am guessing that if you knew that the particular favour that you were asking for was wrong then you would ask the person you felt closest to.  So how would you feel if that person then told on you??? 

To be fair, frends or not, the person who told on her did have every right to do what she did, and I am not saying that she was wrong to do that, but just imagine how gutted you would feel for that to happen. 

It just made me realise that actually the friends you make on the ward, may feel like they are extremely close allies, but essentially they actually aren't, or they won't be if you're going to do something thats isn't strictly by the book.  (Not that I ever would you understand).  I am not sure that I am explaining what I mean extremely well.  But like with friends that you have outside of work, maybe the people you met at school or college or through the jobs that you have as teenagers that don't actually mean anything.  Like mine was in McDonalds.  But with those sort of friends, its almost like you get more leeway to break the rules.  My closest friends outside of work are Natalie, Laura, Steph etc, and to be honest they are not overly bothered if I break certain rules or not.  Like if I was to cheat on my boyfriend, (which is extremely unlikely to happen as I don't actually have a boyfriend and if I ever manage to get one I am so not going to ruin it by cheating, and lets face it, I am finding it hard to find one guy I am never going to be in a situation where I have 2, lol!!).  But yeah, cheating as an example, I know that if I ever did that, it wouldn't affect the already existing  friendships that I have and also, as my friends I would trust them to not tell on me, as my cheating would not affect them personally!!

I think that the issue of trust is so much more complicated when its concerning your work friends, especially in the nursing profession. 

Its like in some ways you have to trust your work colleagues, because you are leaving patients care and in some ways their whole lives, in their hands and to hand over a patients care to someone you ultimately don't trust is really hard, and actually near on impossible. 

 But then at the same time, you can only trust them to a certain degree, because whatever happens within the ward, if it affects them then essentially it affects their pin and therefore their job and pin number!!!!  Just like anything that affects me on the ward affects my job and my pin number and so if someone is doing something wrong and I know about it then I am not going to cover it up for them and therefore risk my own job!!!!

So essentially I can consider someone to be my best friend on a ward but then if the need arises help to end their career, or they may help to end mine because of something that happens within the working environment.

 

But essentially I think the whole trust issue in any friendship can be quite challenging, its like my friend Firdy, I love her to bits and in some ways I do trust her, but when it comes to any bloke issue I don't trust her as far as I could kick her after the whole situation last year where I was kind of after a guy and so she went and pulled him.  In my head that is something that should never be done and so because she did it I now don't trust her.  But then I would still consider her one of my best friends!!

Or consider the friends that I have made through this, my space.  I write about things on here that I would struggle to tell the people who I listed above as being my closest friends and allies.  In some ways that has got to be considered as kind of strange but then probably quite normal at the same time.  They do say that sometimes it is easier to tell strangers things than those you are close to!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think for the first time I am realising that time can move too fast, well probably not the first time really but still the point is still the same.

 

That point, by the way, is that my week off is almost over, and that tomorrow I start my new job!!!!  Oh My F*****g God!!!!!

 

Seriously I am somewhat freaking out, I am beginning to feel very panicky, which is silly really because the job is almost the same and I am only going to be on the ward next door, but still, I am as nervous as hell!!!  Is that normal???

 

I need more time, this can not  be happening this soon, I feel like it should still be Wednesday and not Sunday already, how did that happen???  Like, seriously, why is it that when you want something to happen time just completely drags, but when you want something to take its time, it comes around like a......(my brain is failing me here).....and so lets just say it comes around like something amazingly, extraordinarily fast!!!!

 

I'm sorry I know I am not making sense, and that I am rambling like a member of the insane, but like I said before I am freaking out somewhat, and so I suppose I should leave you.  I will be back either later on tonight with slightly more legible ramblings, or maybe later on tonight with more insane rambling, or even maybe not until tomorrow when all of the stressy stuff should hopefully be over¬!!!!!

 

Have a nice day folks!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have so much to write tonight that I don't quite know where to start, and I have a feeling that this could take me quite a while seeing as I have just got in from my own leaving do and so am ever so slightly tipsy and have already made about 20 thousand spelling mistakes which I have had to go back and correct, aaarrrrggggghhhhh!!!

OK, leaving do, as I have already mentioned it I shall start with that. It was good, I was pleased with the turn out and I got presents, which lets face it is always nice. Amina got me some tea bags and a tea cup and saucer, she knows how much I love my cups of tea. Then the present that I got from the ward was like a bag of little presents, I got some body lotion, some hand cream, a teddy with some chocolates attached, some haribo and some flapjacks. I think that was all that was in the bag, I may have forgotten something, who knows.

It was kind of sad though to be saying goodbye, Kate actually text me after we had all left to tell me that she had started crying on the train home, she is one of the other people leaving. Amina is the other but she didn't stay too long as she had some family commitment because her family are going away tonight but she can't go as she still has towork tomorrow, so she only stayed a couple of hours. Its funny because Amina leaving didn't really bother me, but Vicky left half way through the night and it annoyed the f**k out of me!! Like Amina told us right from the start that she wouldn't be staying all night, and I don't know, maybe because it was her night as well, it just seemed ok for her to leave. But Vicky started off the night with the aim of staying out for the whole thing but then changed her mind because her bloody hubby told her too. Basically she had arranged that her sister would come with us because she was going to be staying with her, but then her sister got there and said that her boyfriend and Vickys husband had come with but were in a different pub and so they should go there instead. So off she went. I wouldn't mind so much, but she cried when she found out that we were bot leaving and then has spent lots of time telling us that she is going to miss us and stuff, but then when it matters she just does the complete opposite of all of what she had said. Actions speak louder than words and all that. It wasn't just me though, it pissed Kate off as well.

But her leaving sparked of a conversation about how her hubby is so controlling and dictates her every move and stuff, this is not just me being bitchy, we all get this impression from things that Vicky actually tells us. Like for example this week she was talking about facebook and saying that it wasn't really her thing but even if it was she couldn't really join it because Nick (her hubby) has put parental controls on their computer!!!!(They have no children, or at least none that are actually born yet as she is pregnant). I mean who does that??? But Kate was saying, and this one really did shock me, that apparently Vicky was telling her that Nick lies to his friends and tells them that she is a ward sister because being just a nurse is not good enough for him to talk about. The hardest thing for me to understand is how Vicky does not see anything wrong with that!!

But other than the Vicky thing it was an ok night. I think Ursua was a bit disappointed as she wanted to go clubbing as well, but to be honest I was far too tired. I have not been clubbing in ages, I think I am getting a bt old for it now and to be honest its not really my thing any more!! I mean I know I go on all the time about how I never go out and that I need to get myself a life, but clubbing has never really been what i am thinking about.

Oooh I got chatted up tonight, which was kind of nice, it would have been nicer if he wasn't about 20 years older than me, completely drunk and not my type, but it was still kind of nice that he bothered to try. Thats the thing about blokes that try it on in pubs and stuff, its like they are always wasted and therefore likely to not be the kind of guy I go for, oh well, I am sure I will find someone somewhere!!

Actually that leads me on quite nicely to my next topic. Do you remember that I had joined the online dating thing, well I have been kind of chatting to two guys. The first seemed really nice, and the sort of bloke that I think I would get on with, but maybe a little conservative for my liking. Or thats how he came across during our first conversation, but then 2 conversations later he was telling me that he had dreamed about me in my underwear. I mean this is a guy who has never met me and by all rights if he wants to ever tak me out on a date shoudl be trying to impress me and so in what world did he think that, that kind of comment would be acceptable??? Next time he tries to message me I shall just ignore him. It was just so rude, I don't think he needs a dating site, I think he needs to find himself a sex line, its obviously all he is after!!

The other guy I have only just tarted messaging though and so far he seems really nice, but bizarrely we went to the same school and he still lives in the area where I grew up, its a small world hey???I shall let you know what happens with that though, if anything does he may turn out to be another freak, lol!!

Ok the lastthing I am going to write about, (hooray I hear you all say).

I got in from my do tonight and things appeared to be slightly different in my flat, which was a little bit scary if I am honest. It wasn't anything major, it was little things like the bathroom door was shut, which I never do and the kettle was unplugged and the toilet seat was up. So all really insignificant stuff, but hey in all the horror movies isn't it always???

So yeah I did begin to freak out a bit, but then I opened my fridge and discovered a new bottle of milk in there with JENNY'S written all over it.

Aha!!!

I think that while I was out celebrating my own leaving, my new flat mate moved in, but the only evidence of her is one pint of milk!! I was a bit nosey and checked her cupboard and there is no food in it, mind you she may not know which one is her cupboard and so all her food may be in her room. But I am like so curious to see her and find out what she looks like and what she is like in herself. I can't believe that the one night I go out in almost 2 months means I missed something this important. How bloody typical!!

Again, I shall keep you all posted!!